Marriage, Divorce, & Remarriage
Understanding The Whole Of The Bible
Compilation & Material By Pastor Kenny Batson
Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Dictionary
A Biblical Survey
Marriage- the union of a man and a woman as husband and wife, which becomes the foundation for a home and family.
Origin of Marriage. Marriage was instituted by God when He declared, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” (Gen. 2:18). So God fashioned a woman and brought her to the man. On seeing the woman, Adam exclaimed, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Gen. 2:23). This passage also emphasizes the truth that “a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). This suggests that God’s ideal is for a man to be the husband of one wife and for the marriage to be permanent.
Legislation. God’s desire for His people was that they marry within the body of believers. The Mosaic Law clearly stated that an Israelite was never to marry a foreigner. The Israelite would be constantly tempted to embrace the spouse’s god as well (Ex. 34:10–17; Deut. 7:3–4). Likewise, the apostle Paul commanded the members of the church at Corinth, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Cor. 6:14).
Marriages between Israelites were directed by law, and all incestuous relationships were outlawed (Lev. 18:6–8; 20:19–21). In addition, priests were forbidden to marry prostitutes and divorced women (Lev. 21:7, 13–14). Daughters who inherited their father’s possessions had to marry within their tribe or lose their inheritance (Num. 27:8; 36:2–4).
Choosing the Bride. In Old Testament times, the parents chose the mate for their son. The primary reason for this was that the bride became part of the clan. Although they were married and became “one flesh,” the couple remained under the authority of the bridegroom’s father. The parents chose someone who would best fit into their clan and work harmoniously with her mother-in-law and sisters-in-law.
Sometimes the parents consulted with their children to see if they approved of the choice of mates being made for them. For example, Rebekah was asked if she wanted to marry Isaac (Gen. 24:58). Samson demanded that a certain girl be acquired for him. Although his parents protested, they completed the marriage contract for Samson (Judg. 14:1–4).
Frequently people married at a young age, a fact that made the parents’ choice a practical matter. By New Testament times, the Jewish leaders had decided to establish minimum ages for which a marriage contract could be drawn up. The age was set at 13 for boys and 12 for girls.
Even if the young wife lost her husband in war or accident, she remained within the clan and was wed to her brother-in-law or next of kin (Deut. 25:5–10). This arrangement is known as Levirate Marriage. It is the basis for the story of Ruth and Boaz (Ruth 3:13; 4:1–12).
Concept of Love. Although romance before marriage was not unknown in Old Testament times, it played a minor role in the life of teenagers of that era. They did not marry the person they loved; they loved the mate they married. Love began at marriage. When Isaac married Rebekah, the Bible records that “she became his wife, and he loved her” (Gen. 24:67).
Marriage Customs. A number of customs and steps were involved in finalizing a marriage in Old Testament times. The first was agreeing on a price to be given to the father of the girl. The payment was compensation for the loss of a worker. The sum was mutually agreed upon (Gen. 34:12; Ex. 22:16–17). It could consist of services instead of money. For example, Jacob agreed to work for seven years for Rachel (Gen. 29:18–20). The giving and receiving of money was probably accompanied by a written agreement. After this agreement was made, the couple was considered engaged.
In biblical times, a betrothal for marriage was a binding agreement that set the young woman apart for the young man. The agreement was voided only by death or divorce; one could not get out of the betrothal in any other way. When Joseph discovered that Mary was pregnant, he did not want to make a “public example” of her; instead, he decided to divorce her secretly. However, he did not carry out the divorce, because an angel of the Lord convinced him that the baby to be born to Mary would be the Son of God (Matt. 1:18–25).
During the engagement period, the bridegroom had certain privileges. If war was declared, he was exempt from military duty (Deut. 20:7). He also knew that his bride-to-be was protected by Mosaic Law. If another man raped her, the act was treated as adultery; and the offender was punished accordingly (Deut. 22:23–27). This was considered a more serious crime than the rape of a girl not yet betrothed (Deut. 22:28–29).
The length of engagement varied. Sometimes the couple was married the same day they were engaged. Usually, however, a period of time elapsed between the betrothal and the marriage ceremony. During this time the young man prepared a place in his father’s house for his bride, while the bride prepared herself for married life.
On the day of the wedding, the groom and his friends dressed in their finest clothes and went to the home of the bride. Together the couple went back to the groom’s house. Their friends sang and danced their way back to his house.
Once at the groom’s house, the couple was ushered into a bridal chamber. The marriage was consummated through sexual union as the guests waited outside. Once that fact was announced, the wedding festivities continued, with guests dropping by for the wedding feast. Usually the wedding party lasted for a week (Gen. 29:27).
New Testament Teaching about Marriage. The New Testament does not contradict the teachings about marriage in the Old Testament. Most marriage teaching in the New Testament comes from Jesus and the apostle Paul.
Jesus’ first miracle occurred in Cana in Galilee when He and His disciples were attending a wedding (John 2:1–11). Our Lord gave His blessing and sanction to the institution of marriage.
On another occasion, when Jesus was asked about marriage and divorce, He quoted two passages from Genesis. “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Gen. 1:27; 2:24; Matt. 19:4–6). He taught that marriage was the joining together of two people so they become “one flesh.” Not only did God acknowledge the marriage; He also joined the couple.
The church at Corinth struggled over a number of issues, including the proper view of marriage. In response to their questions, Paul gave an answer about marriage. From His answer, it seems that three faulty ideas about marriage were prominent among some believers in the church. The first was that marriage was absolutely necessary in order to be a Christian; another was that celibacy was superior to marriage; the third was that when a person became a Christian, all existing relationships such as marriage were dissolved. When chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians is read with that as background, the following teaching emerges.
First, Paul stated that celibacy is an acceptable lifestyle for a Christian; not all people need to marry. Paul declared that he himself preferred not to marry. However, the single life can be lived for God’s glory only if God has given the gift of singlehood. If one does not have that gift, he should marry. And Paul expected most people would marry.
Next, Paul spoke to the problem faced by a Christian believer whose spouse does not believe. He reasoned that if the unbelieving partner is willing to live with the Christian, then the Christian should not dissolve the marriage. Remaining with the unbelieving partner could result in his or her salvation (1 Cor. 7:14).
In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul showed how a marriage relationship can best function. First, he said, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord” (Eph. 5:22). The model for the wife’s submission is the church, which is subject to Christ (Eph. 5:24). Second, husbands are to love their wives. The role that the husband plays is outlined by Jesus Christ, who loved His bride, the church, so much that He died for her (Eph. 5:25).[1]
Grace Fellowship
A Biblical Understanding of Marriage & Divorce
By Kenny Batson
God created marriage for a man and a woman to leave their father and mother and become one flesh. Marriage is a good thing that God created for mankind’s enjoyment. Marriage between a man and a woman is also a reflection of the heavenly relationship between Christ and His Church (Jeremiah 3:8; Ephesians 5:22-32; Revelation 21:2).
This marriage relationship is expressed physically in the union of sexual intercourse. Just as there is no such thing as marriage between Jesus and His Bride without intimacy (to “know” Christ; i.e. Matthew 7:23), the physical aspect of marriage between a man and a woman is exemplified through sexual intercourse, or “knowing” one another (Genesis 4:1). We read in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” [2] Both physically and spiritually a man and a woman are to become one.
The first thing we must do is ask ourselves, “What constitutes a marriage from God’s perspective?” Does God give us instructions as to what officially makes a person married? Are there biblical instructions on how to officially “marry” a couple? Is there a prescribed ceremony that officially constitutes a marriage in God’s sight? Since God created marriage, we must go to His Word to find this out.
We cannot assume that the American way, or the protestant/evangelical Christian way, is God’s way just because this is how we have always done it. The struggle we have as human beings is to read Scripture in an unbiased way. We must remember that much of what we assume to be “Bible” is nothing less than man-made traditions. Not all man-made traditions are bad, but it is bad if we interpret Scripture based upon our tradition. This is true concerning marriage or any issue.
As we will see in the following pages, the issues of marriage and “widowhood” are not understood by most of us in a biblical way. As we study the Word of God, it will change the way we look at marriage, divorce, and remarriage. As we pray and ask God to reveal His heart to us, He will.
We know that in Jewish history there were wedding ceremonies (as seen in the previous article), and they were (and still are) very big celebrations. However, we never read in the Bible that God commanded any particular ceremony to constitute a marriage. What we do see is that marriage is referred to in terms of sexual union. As for Jacob wanting to marry Rachel we see Jacob telling his father-in-law, “Then Jacob said to Laban, "Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in to her” (Genesis 29:21). Later, because Rachel could not get pregnant, she said to her husband Jacob, “So she said, ‘Here is my maid Bilhah; go in to her, and she will bear a child on my knees, that I also may have children by her.’ Then she gave him Bilhah her maid as wife, and Jacob went in to her” (Genesis 30:3-4). In Genesis 16 we see the same thing with Sarai and Abram, “2. So Sarai said to Abram, "See now, the Lord has restrained me from bearing children. Please, go in to my maid; perhaps I shall obtain children by her.'' And Abram heeded the voice of Sarai. 3. Then Sarai, Abram's wife, took Hagar her maid, the Egyptian, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife.” Now we know that God never condoned this multiple marriage situation, nor did He condone what Rachel and Jacob did, nevertheless we see that sex and marriage were synonymous in their minds.
Why should we consider this as we approach the very sensitive issue of marriage and divorce? Because as Americans, we must force ourselves to understand that God is not an American. Our marriage ceremonies are entirely man-made. This brings up the question, “Are only those who have been married through the legal system married, or are those who come together in sexual union married in God’s eyes?” The answer must be that, at least somewhat, when people have sex, they are marrying each other.
In a sense, it would not be wrong to say that everyone who has had sex has been married…to some extent. This is why we never see God sanctioning sex outside of marriage for pleasure, or pre-marital sex of any type. Sex is a marital thing, and synonymous with marriage. The conclusion then must be that our idea of marriage may have never been God’s to start with.
We know that marriage was created by God to be good, however, because sin has come into the world, divorce is a reality we must face. The Church of Jesus Christ must approach this issue with an accurate understanding of salvation, God’s nature, and the Holy Scriptures. One such Scripture is found in Malachi 2:16, “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, ‘for it covers one's garment with violence,’ says the Lord of hosts. ‘Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.’” To put it very simply, God is saying that He hates divorce, and as we will see later, He especially hates it when it is unbiblical.
This issue is especially important for the Church of Jesus Christ to understand in America today because of the sheer number of people who have been divorced, divorced and remarried, or abandoned. One must approach the issue with a mature understanding of God’s heart and the whole of Scripture. We must be very careful to counsel people correctly, because if we counsel people incorrectly, we can cause people to feel unjustly condemned…those whom Christ has forgiven. The Church of Jesus Christ must daily face the fact that we can neither condemn the righteous nor can we justify the wicked.
The Bible tells us in Proverbs 17:15, “He who justifies the wicked, and he who condemns the just, both of them alike are an abomination to the Lord.” It is an abomination to God if we make the wicked comfortable in their sin, and it is just as much an abomination to God if we cause those who have been forgiven to feel condemned. It is sinful and wrong for you and I to approach Scripture flippantly and make doctrines from one passage without consulting God Himself through prayer and the rest of Scripture. We must never forget to “rightly divide” (2 Timothy 2:15) the Scriptures. If we do not, we will end up like these people that the Apostle Peter wrote of in 2 Peter 3:16, “...epistles, speaking in them of these things, in which are some things hard to understand, which those who are untaught and unstable twist to their own destruction, as they do also the rest of the Scriptures.”
In a nutshell, the Church of Jesus Christ must carefully consider each individual marital situation on a case by case basis, understanding all of the Scriptures, especially the New Testament passages concerning marriage and divorce. We must understand what Jesus said and then move to the rest of Scripture to fully comprehend the heart of God.
We also must be aware that Jesus did not explain what must be done in absolutely every scenario because the entire New Testament would have been about this alone. What God wants His Church to do is to approach this issue without legalistic condemnation, but with reverence to the Holy Scriptures. God has only given us a few words from His Son’s mouth about this, so it is up to leadership in the Church to prayerfully consider each situation before we pass judgment. We are to judge, but we are to judge with righteous judgment of love pertaining to the whole of Scripture. We cannot build doctrine out of one line that Jesus spoke concerning marriage if He spoke more than one line. We cannot only look at what Jesus said, we must also look at the rest of the Scriptures. And lastly, we cannot go entirely from our previous teachings because we may have been taught wrong, and from an American perspective.
A Biblical Outline
Statements Jesus made about marriage and divorce.
Mark 10:11. So He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12. "And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.''
What must be noted here is the fact that Jesus is referring to those who divorce their spouse to marry another.
Mark 10:11 He told them, ``When a man divorces his wife to marry someone else, he commits adultery against her.[3]
In other words, “If you think that you can divorce your spouse and then marry another without committing adultery, you are wrong.”
And Jesus may not have mentioned it in this passage, but we know that He sanctioned divorce in another passage for the cause of sexual immorality.
So we must conclude that either Jesus was confused, or was He simply not giving a complete theology on this issue here.
This is why that it is so important for us to look throughout Scripture to see everything Jesus/Scripture said on any particular issue instead of focusing on one passage alone (Romans 7; Matthew 5; 19; Mark 10; Luke 16; 1 Corinthians 7; Jeremiah 3; Malachi 2).
Matthew 5: 31. "Furthermore it has been said, `Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' 32. "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality (porneiva"-porneias) causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.”
(v. 32) (causes her to commit adultery) This does not mean that she automatically becomes an adulteress; it presupposes that, having no means of support, she is forced to live with another man. In so doing she becomes an adulteress.[4]
It defies any basic understanding of God’s heart to suppose that Jesus would condemn a woman who is left, unjustly, as an adulteress.
Jesus had one scenario in mind when He said this, but we must remember that there are a plethora of circumstances that affect every divorce etc.
For example, what is sexual immorality?
Is it viewing pornography, adultery, pedophilia, masturbation?
We know that all of these things are considered sexually immoral pertaining to Scripture.
So if we take Jesus literally, any person who looks at another with lust is an adulterer (Matthew 5:28), and therefore can be divorced by their spouse on Scriptural grounds.
What we must be careful not to do is hold a double standard.
For example, when Jesus says it is adultery to lust, few people would claim that this constitutes divorce.
Yet when Jesus speaks on other issues people tend to take Him too literally when they should not.
Jesus is usually giving principles, not laws.
So what did Jesus mean by “sexual immorality”?
Sexual immorality- 4202 πορνεία [porneia /por·ni·ah/] n f. From 4203 (see 4203 below); TDNT 6:579; TDNTA 918; GK 4518; 26 occurrences; AV translates as “fornication” 26 times. 1 illicit sexual intercourse. 1a adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc. 1b sexual intercourse with close relatives; Lev. 18. 1c sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman; Mk. 10:11,12. 2 metaph. the worship of idols. 2a of the defilement of idolatry, as incurred by eating the sacrifices offered to idols.[5]
4203 πορνεύω [porneuo /porn·yoo·o/] v. From 4204; TDNT 6:579; TDNTA 918; GK 4519; Eight occurrences; AV translates as “commit fornication” seven times, and “commit” once. 1 to prostitute one’s body to the lust of another. 2 to give one’s self to unlawful sexual intercourse. 2a to commit fornication. 3 metaph. to be given to idolatry, to worship idols. 3a to permit one’s self to be drawn away by another into idolatry.[6]
We see here the many things that “sexual immorality” could be.
So which of these is grounds for divorce?
Jesus was referring to adultery, sex outside of marriage, in particular (Jeremiah 3:8).
We can see the answer to this with an historical lesson from the Nelson’s New Illustrated Bible Commentary.
First, in Matthew 19, (we will refer to extensively in a moment), Jesus is tested by the Pharisees in this way:
1. Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.
2. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.
3. The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?''
From this test Jesus gives a very strict answer of basically, “No,” except for sexual immorality (v 9).
Here is what Nelson’s Commentary says about this pertaining to it’s historical context:
(Nelson’s New Illustrated Bible Commentary) This question could be dangerous. John the Baptist’s answer had resulted in his imprisonment and ultimately his death (Matt. 14:3–11). That the problem is posed with malicious intent is seen in the participle testing. It means to tempt. The basis for the question was Deut. 24:1. The rabbis had been arguing about what was meant by the expression “uncleanness” (literally, “the nakedness of a thing”)…
Deuteronomy 24:1 "When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness ( נְאָצָה, נֶאָצָה [nâ’atsah, ne’atsah /neh·aw·tsaw/]) in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house,"
Uncleanness- 5007 נְאָצָה, נֶאָצָה [nâ’atsah, ne’atsah /neh·aw·tsaw/] n f. From 5006 (see 5006 below); TWOT 1274a, 1274b; GK 5541 and 5542; Five occurrences; AV translates as “blasphemy” three times, and “provocation” twice. 1 contempt, contumely. 2 contempt, blasphemy.[7]
5006 נָאַץ [na’ats /naw·ats/] v. A primitive root; TWOT 1274; GK 5540; 25 occurrences; AV translates as “despise” eight times, “provoke” five times, “abhor” four times, “blaspheme” four times, “contemn” twice, “flourish” once, and “great occasion to blaspheme” once. 1 to spurn, contemn, despise, abhor. 1a (Qal) to spurn, contemn. 1b (Piel). 1b1 to spurn. 1b2 to cause to contemn. 1c (Hiphil) to spurn. 1d (Hithpolel) to be contemned.[8]
We see here that just as “sexual immorality” is a broad word, the word translated “uncleanness” in Deuteronomy is even broader.
Here is more discussion on the Pharisees testing Jesus in Matthew 19:1-3.
(Nelson’s New Illustrated Bible Commentary cont.)…which referred to some indecency in the opinions of most. One school of thought, the school of Shammai, was more strict and said the only grounds for divorce was immorality. The other viewpoint, the school of Hillel, was much more lenient and believed that anything that displeased the husband was sufficient to obtain a divorce. The question is framed as though the questioner may have been disposed to the view of Hillel, at least it appears they tilted the question in that direction.[9]
Jesus answered as follows (Matthew 19):
8. He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
9. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.''
So we see that Jesus took the very narrow (Shammai) view here (you cannot leave your spouse for just any reason), we must conclude that He would take the very narrow view pertaining to what sexual immorality is.
Most likely, Jesus meant that sexual immorality was sexual intercourse outside of marriage.
(Back to Matthew 5) So if you can divorce for sexual immorality, are you still considered an adulterer if you remarry?
First, we must ask ourselves, “Why would Jesus sanction divorce and then declare the victim to be an adulterer if they remarried?”
Remember that most are not eunuchs, and a person does not magically become a eunuch when they are deserted either (they still have sexual needs).
This is where that it is important to understand the God of the Bible, and His heart when you study, rather than simply reading the letters on the page.
Jesus likely meant that anyone who marries the divorced woman who has been divorced for unscriptural reasons (on her part) is committing adultery, especially if he thinks that “getting her to divorce” her spouse will make him a “non-adulterer.”
Remember that if Jesus sanctioned divorce for sexual immorality, then He simultaneously must exonerate the one who was sinned against (from that person’s loyalty within the marriage covenant).
If not, Jesus would be forcing people to sin:
How could Jesus tell someone that they can divorce, and then tell them that if they ever marry someone else that they are an adulterer and damned?
Remember that the divorcee still has sexual/relational needs.
The only way that it would be reasonable to say that Jesus meant this would be if He had also told all divorcees to be castrated or have their sexual organs removed, and go through a revolutionary transformation into a eunuch.
Jesus was not warped so we must consider other thoughts that were in His mind.
If we only had Mark 10:11-12 we would think that no one could ever divorce…but we have Matthew 5:31-32 to clarify this.
Likewise, we have 1 Corinthians 7 and Matthew 19 to clarify it even further.
If she is “caused” to commit adultery by her spouse, it would be unjust for God to hold that sin against her…if we only understand this passage literally.
Remember, everyone is not born a eunuch.
This is why Paul wrote this:
1 Corinthians 7:2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.
1 Corinthians 7:5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time (do not withhold sex from your spouse lest you both agree to it), that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again (have sex) so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7:7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.
Paul’s gift was that he did not need a spouse, or sex.
Great care needs to be exercised when interpreting the New Testament passages regarding divorce and marriage. It should be remembered that Jesus made His statements about divorce to people who were already married, so that they might take seriously the marriage relationship. These statements were not necessarily made to add an extra burden to the already divorced person.[10]
Now let’s go to Matthew 19 to better understand the mind of Christ:
Matthew 19
1. Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.
2. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.
3. The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?''
19:1–3 This question could be dangerous. John the Baptist’s answer had resulted in his imprisonment and ultimately his death (Matt. 14:3–11). That the problem is posed with malicious intent is seen in the participle testing. It means to tempt. The basis for the question was Deut. 24:1. The rabbis had been arguing about what was meant by the expression “uncleanness” (literally, “the nakedness of a thing”), which referred to some indecency in the opinions of most. One school of thought, the school of Shammai, was more strict and said the only grounds for divorce was immorality. The other viewpoint, the school of Hillel, was much more lenient and believed that anything that displeased the husband was sufficient to obtain a divorce. The question is framed as though the questioner may have been disposed to the view of Hillel, at least it appears they tilted the question in that direction.[11]
4. And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning `made them male and female,'
5. "and said, `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?
6. "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.''
19:4–6 Jesus avoids the Hillel-Shammai controversy and goes right to the Scripture. He gives three reasons for the permanence of marriage: (1) He made one male and one female. If God had intended more than one wife for Adam, He could and would have created more. The same would be true of husbands for Eve. (2) God ordained marriage as the strongest bond in all human relationships (v. 5). A man leaves his parents and is joined to his wife. The language is very strong here. Leave is the verb “abandon” and joined to means “to be glued to.” The most permanent relationship in the fabric of society is not between parent and child, which is broken to establish marriage (Gen 2:24), but is the marriage of a man and a woman. (3) the two become one flesh (Gen. 2:24): The basic element in marriage is a contract or covenant (Mal. 2:14); the result of that covenant is sexual intercourse. The physical union of a man and woman represents the union of their lives and their commitment to each other. That is why it is so wrong outside of marriage (1 Cor. 6:16). The physical union in marriage is a symbol of their unity in many areas. To break this physical union is to destroy a fundamental unity of life. Even if lost people are married and have conjugal relations, God has made them one, since marriage is a creation ordinance, not a redemptive one. By divorce, humans separate what God has joined together.[12]
7. They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?''
8. He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
19:8 The Lord Jesus’ reply is that Moses never commanded divorce; he only permitted it. And this permission was only because of the obstinate heart of humans. God’s ideal was not to divorce.[13]
9. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.''
19:9 Many problems come to the surface in this verse. For instance, what is meant by the word wife? Some have taken the divorce decree to be valid only during the engagement period, as in the case of Joseph and Mary (Matt. 1). Then “wife” means the woman to whom a man is engaged, a legitimate meaning. However, Deut. 24:1 is not talking about an engagement period, clearly the historical context to the discussion in Matt. 19. It specifically says the husband is to send her out of his house. They are already living together! Another question is the meaning of immorality. The word here (as is the term in Deut. 24:1) is a very general one and may refer to any kind of sexual immorality: premarital, extramarital, harlotry, homosexuality, and even bestiality. Of great importance is the problem of whether the exception clause only grants the right to divorce the wife or does it also give permission to remarry? Probably the latter is correct. In other words, immorality not only is grounds for divorce but also for remarriage. The last part of v. 9 probably means that a man who marries a woman who has been divorced because of her immorality commits adultery in marrying her. It should be noted that the bill of divorce protected the wife. A husband could not flippantly rid himself of his wife by a simple oral statement. He must have grounds and the decree was to be written. Even if there are sufficient grounds for divorce, it would be better for no divorce to take place. Lifetime marriages are God’s ideal (v. 8). It is no accident that the passage on divorce in ch. 19 immediately follows the discussion on forgiveness in ch. 18. [14]
10. His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.''
19:10 Here the disciples enter into the discussion. They evidently were surprised at the Lord’s stringent view. If the only basis for divorce is immorality, it would be better not to marry. But this was not the intent of Jesus because marriage was given to men and women for their good (Gen. 2:17). [15]
11. But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given:
19:11 Jesus indicates that remaining unmarried is only for a few people. [16]
12. "For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.''
19:12 Some people do not marry because they were born with no sex drive. Others do not marry because they are castrated. Still others forgo marriage for the sake of serving God. Some have been given the spiritual gift of celibacy in order to do this (1 Cor. 7:7).[17]
Other New Testament Scriptures to help us understand marriage and divorce.
1 Corinthians 7
8. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am;
First, Paul was unmarried, and he was saying it was good because one who was unmarried is more able to commit themselves to God’s work undistracted (1 Corinthians 7:32-33).
Secondly, it is absolutely essential to understand who widows are in God’s perspective, not the American perspective.
A widow is not only a woman who has had a husband who has physically died.
When we understand this, we can better understand the issue of divorce and remarriage.
1 Timothy 5:3 Honor widows who are really widows. 4. But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God. 5. Now she who is really a widow, and left alone, trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day.
Widow- 5503 χήρα [chera /khay·rah/] the idea of deficiency; 27 occurrences; KJV translates as “widow” 27 times. 1 a widow. 2 metaph. a city stripped of its inhabitants and riches is represented under the figure of a widow.[18]
In other words, widow means to be deficient of a husband or to be stripped from provision; bereft; left by her husband either through physical death or by being left alone (his death to being her husband).
1 Timothy 5:9 Do not let a widow under sixty years old be taken into the number, and not unless she has been the wife of one man,
This verse does not truly make sense without seeing other options as to how it can be translated from the original Greek language.
We can read the New International Version of the verse and see more clearly what is being said:
1 Timothy 5:9 No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband,[19]
Here we see that the requirement to this supposed “believer/widow” was that she was a true believer.
True believers are typically faithful to their spouses even if their spouses are unfaithful to them.
This is more or less a requirement that she be a true Christian before the Church takes the responsibility on of taking care of her as a widow.
Another thing we can learn here is that Paul is saying that “she is a widow because of losing her husband…by nothing she has done” (like adultery on her part/being the wife of more than one).
In other words, this woman is a widow, but the Church should not take care of her as such unless she is a widow that has been faithful to God by being faithful to her husband, even if her husband has died or left her.
Now as we read this next verse we must keep in mind that widows are women who are bereft/left by either a living or a dead spouse:
1 Timothy 5:14 Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
So we see that Paul declares that women who are widows/bereft should remarry.
And there are other reasons to marry in the New Testament.
1 Corinthians 7
8. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am;
9. but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Yes, widows burn with passion for sex, etc., when they are bereft.
What should the Church of Jesus Christ tell them to do?
Just what Paul says that they should do.
Also, we must understand that these are instructions to saved Christians.
An unbeliever does not have the same accountability as does a Christian.
Unbelievers do not adhere to, nor do they care about what Jesus said concerning marriage.
It is therefore extremely foolish for Christians to weigh down New Converts with all kinds of condemnation for their pre-conversion adulteries.
Even more, most Christians have been adulterers through some type of sexual immorality themselves.
And even more than this, many, many people had sex with other people before they were married, and before they became Christians.
This “becoming one” with others (sex) and then marrying someone else could rightfully be called marriage and divorce (according to God’s perspective of what constitutes marriage), at least in some sense.
The Church of Jesus Christ must remember that when a person gets saved they are literally a new person.
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me;
Ephesians 2:1 And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins,
Any person who has truly been saved has passed from death to life.
Dead people rot, dead people do not have life.
“Life” in the New Testament is being saved, having Christ live in and through you.
Salvation is an absolute transformation and an entirely new life.
We must remember that Jesus died for all sin, even divorce.
We must be very careful to remember this pertaining to a person who is not saved, or has just been saved.
We also must remember that most people in church today have never truly been saved.
The Apostle Paul says that if you can exercise self-control (sexually), then remain unmarried or “widowed” (1 Corinthians 7).
However, if you are unmarried, or widowed, and burn with desire for sex etc., then you should marry.
But what about those who were not saved when they became unmarried?
10. Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.
Paul is talking to married Christians.
Note that when Paul says, “not I but the Lord” he is saying, “I am not speaking upon my apostolic authority alone right now, but this is what Jesus said.”
He then says exactly what we read earlier, a woman is not permitted to leave her spouse, period, except for sexual immorality…and even then God would prefer that there be reconciliation if possible (read Hosea to see how God’s love for His people is illustrated through Hosea’s adulterous wife Gomer).
There is no passage commanding people to divorce, but many speaking of reconciliation.
11. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
Even if she does leave apart from God’s permitted standards (i.e. sexual immorality) she must remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband.
Remember that Paul is writing this to Christians.
12. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.
13. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.
Now Paul clarifies (as an Apostle writing Holy Spirit inspired Scripture) more details concerning this difficult issue because of the limited written instructions by Jesus.
He goes on to make a distinction between believers and non-believers.
He makes it clear that a Christian is not permitted to divorce one who is not a Christian if that non-Christian is willing to live with them.
14. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
The one believer brings the sanctification from God to both, even the children, in the marriage.
This means that if one person is right with God (holy, set apart, sanctified) then because the two are one, they both enjoy some of the sanctification/blessing that comes to a believer.
This results in the children being blessed/cleansed/sanctified as well.
15. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.
If that unbeliever decides to depart, then the believer is not under bondage.
This is a very, very important passage.
If an unbeliever seeks to divorce a believing spouse, the Christian is not under bondage or obligation to continue the marriage. There is no conflict here between Paul’s advice and that of our Lord in Matt. 5:32. The point is that the divine standard cannot be imposed upon the unregenerate. There is nothing the believer can do but submit to the divorce. The overriding principle is that God has called us to peace.[20]
16. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
The Greek grammar suggests that Paul asked the question expecting a negative answer. The promise given in 1 Pet. 3:1–6, however, reminds us that consistent obedience to God can make a skeptical spouse into a believing one.[21]
For, after all, there is no assurance to you wives that your husbands will be converted if they stay; and the same may be said to you husbands concerning your wives.[22]
25. Now concerning virgins: I have no commandment from the Lord; yet I give judgment as one whom the Lord in His mercy has made trustworthy.
In other words, “Jesus did not leave us with any particular instructions on virgins.”
But Paul is saying in context, “If you were married when you got saved, stay married if at all possible.”
He is also saying, in a sense, “Jesus did not leave us with great details concerning all of the marriage scenarios, but I, as an Apostle called by God, will attempt to define things better for you.”
26. I suppose therefore that this is good because of the present distress that it is good for a man to remain as he is:
The “present distress” that Paul is referring to here is the ongoing persecution at the time he wrote this letter.
Christians were commonly martyred, and this helps to understand the following instructions he gives us:
27. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife.
In other words, stay as you are because we do not know from one day to the next whether we will die for our faith.
39. A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. (Romans 7:1-3)
In a case where a marriage partner has died, the only restriction concerning remarriage is for the person to marry a fellow Christian. Even though remarriage is permitted, Paul still believes that it is wiser to remain unmarried (v. 8).[23]
40. But she is happier if she remains as she is, according to my judgment and I think I also have the Spirit of God.
Observations by Kenny Batson:
Divorce is permitted, but it is to be greatly avoided if possible, especially so for the Christian.
Even if there is sexual immorality, one should not be anxious for a divorce.
However, if there is sexual immorality, the Lord Himself said that He permitted divorce.
Believers are said to not be in bondage if they have a non-believing spouse that leaves them.
Also, to distinguish between believers and non-believers is not based upon what the offender might claim to be.
Believers and non-believers must be defined from Scripture.
Believers do not leave their spouses, period, unless there is sexual immorality.
Even if a person calls themselves a believer, but leaves a believer for unscriptural reasons, this person must be deemed a non-believer for living in an unbelieving way.
This however does not mean that God would want the believer who has been left (widowed/bereft) to be anxious to say, “I am not under bondage and will be getting a divorce.”
Every circumstance is different so Christians should be very slow to judge.
Jesus was trying to make it very clear to us that marriage is very, very serious business.
We must understand that Jesus was talking to His disciples in Mark chapter 10 in a private room.
In Matthew 5 when Jesus added that you can divorce for the cause of sexual immorality, He was preaching to multitudes of those who were non-believers and believers alike.
And in Matthew 19 He made it clear that all do not have the ability to remain unmarried (unless they are eunuchs etc.) so therefore He was sanctioning remarriage in certain cases.
Remember that every single divorce/marriage is unique and has unique circumstances.
The point being that He was trying to emphasize, in wisdom, the absolute importance of not taking marriage lightly.
Why? Because marriage is a picture of God’s relationship with His people.
And God does not divorce us every time we are sexually immoral to Him, but it can happen (people can lose their salvation; spiritual sexual immorality against the Bridegroom by the Bride).
The Church of Jesus Christ cannot expect non-believers who are not saved to have kept the instructions of Jesus.
Unsaved people do not obey God.
For the Church of Jesus Christ to expect a new convert to have been living under the teachings of Christ pre-conversion is ludicrous.
And when the Church expects a new convert to remain unmarried, when that new convert burns with passion and cannot be reconciled to their ex-spouse, is one and the same as expecting that new Christian to have been a Christian before they were a Christian.
If you are a Christian, be warned, be very careful about weighing baby Christians down with a lot of “Christian” rules when they first get saved.
God sanctifies people in His own time.
The Churches’ job is to accept the repentant sinner and love them.
When a person gets saved, they then must be kept accountable to these Scriptural standards.
To be saved is to be a totally new creation.
The Church of Jesus Christ cannot condemn those who did not obey God before they were saved because no one ever has.
Secondly, we must be careful about placing people under bondage after Jesus has set them free.
God hates divorce, but God hates all sin.
The Church of Jesus Christ must deal with absolutely every situation differently, and prayerfully.
The issue of marriage and divorce is mostly a private matter between any given couple because the rest of Christians do not know the whole story, nor will they ever.
For example, who has the authority to declare one a believer or a non-believer?
Was there sexual immorality that constitutes a divorce?
When were the believer/s saved?
Was the person widowed, or did their spouse leave them because of adultery?
The answer to all of these to us is, “I do not know.”
Therefore, we must conclude, “Do not judge lest you are the one that God has placed in that couple’s life to counsel them.”
There are literally millions and millions of circumstances that contribute to divorces, and it is not up to other Christians to determine whether it is permitted by God or not lest it is the Pastor/Elders that have the authority from God to do so.
The people responsible are the couple, and the spiritual authority God has placed in their life.
This does not mean that God does not wish that some who were divorced (whether it be post or pre-salvation) should not be reconciled to their ex-spouse…even if there was immorality.
God might very well, and has in the past, require the new convert to be reconciled to their ex-spouse regardless of their circumstances.
A new convert cannot flippantly approach this issue.
The new convert simply needs to be encouraged to understand that God wants to lead them on a personal basis, and He will.
Every single situation is different because every marital situation is different.
There has never been one divorce or separation that has been the same as the other.
This is why that Jesus did not spend extensive time explaining this issue because it is so broad.
This is also why that we see Jesus saying different things concerning it.
Adultery, what is it?
It is to commit sexual immorality.
The Greek word that Jesus used was “porneia.”
It is simply sexual conduct that is immoral or outside of the permitted bounds of marriage.
Sexual conduct outside of the marriage union.
Pedophilia, pornography, sex with others, and lusting after one other than your spouse could all fit into this category.
To put it very simply, most everyone has committed sexual immorality in some fashion.
However, Jesus was likely referring to sex outside of marriage.
To put it very simply, Christians are under strict command to not divorce…and if divorce is deemed imminent by a Christian, it must be for the cause of sexual immorality, or being bereft (people who are bereft most certainly suffer from sexual immorality simultaneously with a spouse that has left them).
We must be very, very careful in counseling someone to divorce, because God does not always want this.
God would most likely call for true forgiveness and restoration, because this is how He treats us.
Even though a believer is not under bondage when they are bereft/widowed, being anxious to remarry is unwise.
Every avenue of restoration must be exhausted.
And Christians are forbidden to marry any person other than a Christian.
If a true Christian is divorced because of adultery, they should not seek another spouse.
But as I interpret it, if this divorced person burns with passion, let them try to first be reconciled to their spouse, and if not, be remarried (to a biblically approved spouse).
If one does seek a spouse, that spouse MUST be a Christian.
Some Helpful & Biblical Insights on Divorce & Remarriage
By William MacDonald
Divorce was never God’s intention for man. His ideal is that one man and one woman remain married until their union is broken by death (Rom. 7:2, 3). Jesus made this clear to the Pharisees by appealing to the divine order at creation (Matt. 19:4–6).
God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16), that is, unscriptural divorce. He does not hate all divorce because He speaks of Himself as having divorced Israel (Jer. 3:8). This was because the nation forsook Him to worship idols. Israel was unfaithful.
In Matthew 5:31, 32 and 19:9, Jesus taught that divorce was forbidden except when one of the partners had been guilty of sexual immorality. In Mark 10:11, 12 and Luke 16:18, the exception clause is omitted.
The discrepancy is probably best explained as that neither Mark nor Luke record the entire saying. Therefore, even though divorce is not the ideal, it is permitted in the case where one’s partner has been unfaithful. Jesus allows divorce, but He does not command it.
Some scholars see 1 Corinthians 7:12–16 as teaching that divorce is acceptable when a believer is deserted by an unbeliever. Paul says that the remaining person is “not under bondage in such cases,” i.e., he or she is free to obtain a divorce (for desertion). The present writer’s opinion is that this case is the same exception granted in Matthew 5 and 19; namely, the unbeliever departs to live with someone else. Therefore, the believer can be granted a divorce on the scriptural grounds only if the other party commits adultery.
It is often contended that, although divorce is permitted in the NT, remarriage is never contemplated. However, this argument begs the question. Remarriage is not condemned for the innocent party in the NT, only for the offending person. Also, one of the main purposes of a scriptural divorce is to permit remarriage; otherwise, separation would serve the purpose just as well.
In any discussion of this topic, the question inevitably arises, “What about people who were divorced before they were saved?” There should be no question that unlawful divorces and remarriages contracted before conversion are sins which have been fully forgiven (see, for example, 1 Cor. 6:11 where Paul includes adultery in the list of sins in which the Corinthian believers had formerly participated). Pre-conversion sins do not bar believers from full participation in the local church.
A more difficult question concerns Christians who have divorced for unscriptural reasons and then remarry. Can they be received back into the fellowship of the local church? The answer depends on whether adultery is the initial act of physical union or a continued state. If these people are living in a state of adultery, then they would not only have to confess their sin but also forsake their present partner. But God’s solution for a problem is never one that creates worse problems. If, in order to untangle a marital snarl, men or women are driven into sin, or women and children are left homeless and penniless, the cure is worse than the disease.
In the writer’s opinion, Christians who have been divorced unscripturally and then remarried can truly repent of their sin and be restored to the Lord and to the fellowship of the church. In the matter of divorce, it seems that almost every case is different. Therefore, the elders of a local church must investigate each case individually and judge it according to the Word of God. If at times, disciplinary action has to be taken, all concerned should submit to the decision of the elders. [24]
REFERENCES
[1]Youngblood, Ronald F., F. F. Bruce, R. K. Harrison, and Thomas Nelson Publishers. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Dictionary. Rev. ed. of: Nelson's illustrated Bible dictionary.; Includes index. Nashville: T. Nelson, 1995.
[2] All Scripture quotations are from the New King James Version unless otherwise noted.
[3] The Living Bible Paraphrase version of the Holy Bible.
[4]MacDonald, William, and Arthur Farstad. Believer's Bible Commentary : Old and New Testaments, Mt 5:32. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1997, c1995.
n n: noun or neuter
f f: feminine
TDNT Theological Dictionary of the New Testament
TDNTA Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, Abridged in One Volume
GK Goodrick-Kohlenberger
AV Authorized Version
[5]Strong, James. The Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible : Showing Every Word of the Test of the Common English Version of the Canonical Books, and Every Occurence of Each Word in Regular Order. electronic ed., G4202. Ontario: Woodside Bible Fellowship., 1996.
v v: verb
TDNT Theological Dictionary of the New Testament
TDNTA Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, Abridged in One Volume
GK Goodrick-Kohlenberger
AV Authorized Version
[6]Strong, James. The Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible : Showing Every Word of the Test of the Common English Version of the Canonical Books, and Every Occurence of Each Word in Regular Order. electronic ed., G4203. Ontario: Woodside Bible Fellowship., 1996.
n n: noun
f f: feminine
TWOT Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament
GK Goodrick-Kohlenberger
AV Authorized Version
[7]Strong, James. The Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible : Showing Every Word of the Test of the Common English Version of the Canonical Books, and Every Occurence of Each Word in Regular Order. electronic ed., H5007. Ontario: Woodside Bible Fellowship., 1996.
v v: verb
TWOT Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament
GK Goodrick-Kohlenberger
AV Authorized Version
[8]Strong, James. The Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible : Showing Every Word of the Test of the Common English Version of the Canonical Books, and Every Occurence of Each Word in Regular Order. electronic ed., H5006. Ontario: Woodside Bible Fellowship., 1996.
[9]Radmacher, Earl D., Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Commentary, Mt 19:1-3. Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999.
[10]KJV Bible Commentary. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1997, c1994.
[11]Radmacher, Earl D., Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Commentary, Mt 19:1-3. Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999.
[12]Radmacher, Earl D., Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Commentary, Mt 19:4-6. Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999.
[13]Ibid.
[14]Ibid.
[15]Radmacher, Earl D., Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Commentary, Mt 19:9-12. Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999.
[16]Ibid.
[17]Ibid.
[18]Strong, James. The Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible : Showing Every Word of the Test of the Common English Version of the Canonical Books, and Every Occurrence of Each Word in Regular Order. electronic ed., G5503. Ontario: Woodside Bible Fellowship., 1996.
[19] New International Version.
[20]Radmacher, Earl D., Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Commentary, 1 Co 7:15. Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999.
[21]Radmacher, Earl D., Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Commentary, 1 Co 7:16. Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999.
[22] 1 Corinthians 7:16; The Living Bible Paraphrase.
[23]Radmacher, Earl D., Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Commentary, 1 Co 7:39-40. Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999.
NT New Testament
[24]MacDonald, William, and Arthur Farstad. Believer's Bible Commentary : Old and New Testaments, Mt 5:33. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1997, c1995.
Understanding The Whole Of The Bible
Compilation & Material By Pastor Kenny Batson
Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Dictionary
A Biblical Survey
Marriage- the union of a man and a woman as husband and wife, which becomes the foundation for a home and family.
Origin of Marriage. Marriage was instituted by God when He declared, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” (Gen. 2:18). So God fashioned a woman and brought her to the man. On seeing the woman, Adam exclaimed, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Gen. 2:23). This passage also emphasizes the truth that “a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). This suggests that God’s ideal is for a man to be the husband of one wife and for the marriage to be permanent.
Legislation. God’s desire for His people was that they marry within the body of believers. The Mosaic Law clearly stated that an Israelite was never to marry a foreigner. The Israelite would be constantly tempted to embrace the spouse’s god as well (Ex. 34:10–17; Deut. 7:3–4). Likewise, the apostle Paul commanded the members of the church at Corinth, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Cor. 6:14).
Marriages between Israelites were directed by law, and all incestuous relationships were outlawed (Lev. 18:6–8; 20:19–21). In addition, priests were forbidden to marry prostitutes and divorced women (Lev. 21:7, 13–14). Daughters who inherited their father’s possessions had to marry within their tribe or lose their inheritance (Num. 27:8; 36:2–4).
Choosing the Bride. In Old Testament times, the parents chose the mate for their son. The primary reason for this was that the bride became part of the clan. Although they were married and became “one flesh,” the couple remained under the authority of the bridegroom’s father. The parents chose someone who would best fit into their clan and work harmoniously with her mother-in-law and sisters-in-law.
Sometimes the parents consulted with their children to see if they approved of the choice of mates being made for them. For example, Rebekah was asked if she wanted to marry Isaac (Gen. 24:58). Samson demanded that a certain girl be acquired for him. Although his parents protested, they completed the marriage contract for Samson (Judg. 14:1–4).
Frequently people married at a young age, a fact that made the parents’ choice a practical matter. By New Testament times, the Jewish leaders had decided to establish minimum ages for which a marriage contract could be drawn up. The age was set at 13 for boys and 12 for girls.
Even if the young wife lost her husband in war or accident, she remained within the clan and was wed to her brother-in-law or next of kin (Deut. 25:5–10). This arrangement is known as Levirate Marriage. It is the basis for the story of Ruth and Boaz (Ruth 3:13; 4:1–12).
Concept of Love. Although romance before marriage was not unknown in Old Testament times, it played a minor role in the life of teenagers of that era. They did not marry the person they loved; they loved the mate they married. Love began at marriage. When Isaac married Rebekah, the Bible records that “she became his wife, and he loved her” (Gen. 24:67).
Marriage Customs. A number of customs and steps were involved in finalizing a marriage in Old Testament times. The first was agreeing on a price to be given to the father of the girl. The payment was compensation for the loss of a worker. The sum was mutually agreed upon (Gen. 34:12; Ex. 22:16–17). It could consist of services instead of money. For example, Jacob agreed to work for seven years for Rachel (Gen. 29:18–20). The giving and receiving of money was probably accompanied by a written agreement. After this agreement was made, the couple was considered engaged.
In biblical times, a betrothal for marriage was a binding agreement that set the young woman apart for the young man. The agreement was voided only by death or divorce; one could not get out of the betrothal in any other way. When Joseph discovered that Mary was pregnant, he did not want to make a “public example” of her; instead, he decided to divorce her secretly. However, he did not carry out the divorce, because an angel of the Lord convinced him that the baby to be born to Mary would be the Son of God (Matt. 1:18–25).
During the engagement period, the bridegroom had certain privileges. If war was declared, he was exempt from military duty (Deut. 20:7). He also knew that his bride-to-be was protected by Mosaic Law. If another man raped her, the act was treated as adultery; and the offender was punished accordingly (Deut. 22:23–27). This was considered a more serious crime than the rape of a girl not yet betrothed (Deut. 22:28–29).
The length of engagement varied. Sometimes the couple was married the same day they were engaged. Usually, however, a period of time elapsed between the betrothal and the marriage ceremony. During this time the young man prepared a place in his father’s house for his bride, while the bride prepared herself for married life.
On the day of the wedding, the groom and his friends dressed in their finest clothes and went to the home of the bride. Together the couple went back to the groom’s house. Their friends sang and danced their way back to his house.
Once at the groom’s house, the couple was ushered into a bridal chamber. The marriage was consummated through sexual union as the guests waited outside. Once that fact was announced, the wedding festivities continued, with guests dropping by for the wedding feast. Usually the wedding party lasted for a week (Gen. 29:27).
New Testament Teaching about Marriage. The New Testament does not contradict the teachings about marriage in the Old Testament. Most marriage teaching in the New Testament comes from Jesus and the apostle Paul.
Jesus’ first miracle occurred in Cana in Galilee when He and His disciples were attending a wedding (John 2:1–11). Our Lord gave His blessing and sanction to the institution of marriage.
On another occasion, when Jesus was asked about marriage and divorce, He quoted two passages from Genesis. “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Gen. 1:27; 2:24; Matt. 19:4–6). He taught that marriage was the joining together of two people so they become “one flesh.” Not only did God acknowledge the marriage; He also joined the couple.
The church at Corinth struggled over a number of issues, including the proper view of marriage. In response to their questions, Paul gave an answer about marriage. From His answer, it seems that three faulty ideas about marriage were prominent among some believers in the church. The first was that marriage was absolutely necessary in order to be a Christian; another was that celibacy was superior to marriage; the third was that when a person became a Christian, all existing relationships such as marriage were dissolved. When chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians is read with that as background, the following teaching emerges.
First, Paul stated that celibacy is an acceptable lifestyle for a Christian; not all people need to marry. Paul declared that he himself preferred not to marry. However, the single life can be lived for God’s glory only if God has given the gift of singlehood. If one does not have that gift, he should marry. And Paul expected most people would marry.
Next, Paul spoke to the problem faced by a Christian believer whose spouse does not believe. He reasoned that if the unbelieving partner is willing to live with the Christian, then the Christian should not dissolve the marriage. Remaining with the unbelieving partner could result in his or her salvation (1 Cor. 7:14).
In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul showed how a marriage relationship can best function. First, he said, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord” (Eph. 5:22). The model for the wife’s submission is the church, which is subject to Christ (Eph. 5:24). Second, husbands are to love their wives. The role that the husband plays is outlined by Jesus Christ, who loved His bride, the church, so much that He died for her (Eph. 5:25).[1]
Grace Fellowship
A Biblical Understanding of Marriage & Divorce
By Kenny Batson
God created marriage for a man and a woman to leave their father and mother and become one flesh. Marriage is a good thing that God created for mankind’s enjoyment. Marriage between a man and a woman is also a reflection of the heavenly relationship between Christ and His Church (Jeremiah 3:8; Ephesians 5:22-32; Revelation 21:2).
This marriage relationship is expressed physically in the union of sexual intercourse. Just as there is no such thing as marriage between Jesus and His Bride without intimacy (to “know” Christ; i.e. Matthew 7:23), the physical aspect of marriage between a man and a woman is exemplified through sexual intercourse, or “knowing” one another (Genesis 4:1). We read in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” [2] Both physically and spiritually a man and a woman are to become one.
The first thing we must do is ask ourselves, “What constitutes a marriage from God’s perspective?” Does God give us instructions as to what officially makes a person married? Are there biblical instructions on how to officially “marry” a couple? Is there a prescribed ceremony that officially constitutes a marriage in God’s sight? Since God created marriage, we must go to His Word to find this out.
We cannot assume that the American way, or the protestant/evangelical Christian way, is God’s way just because this is how we have always done it. The struggle we have as human beings is to read Scripture in an unbiased way. We must remember that much of what we assume to be “Bible” is nothing less than man-made traditions. Not all man-made traditions are bad, but it is bad if we interpret Scripture based upon our tradition. This is true concerning marriage or any issue.
As we will see in the following pages, the issues of marriage and “widowhood” are not understood by most of us in a biblical way. As we study the Word of God, it will change the way we look at marriage, divorce, and remarriage. As we pray and ask God to reveal His heart to us, He will.
We know that in Jewish history there were wedding ceremonies (as seen in the previous article), and they were (and still are) very big celebrations. However, we never read in the Bible that God commanded any particular ceremony to constitute a marriage. What we do see is that marriage is referred to in terms of sexual union. As for Jacob wanting to marry Rachel we see Jacob telling his father-in-law, “Then Jacob said to Laban, "Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in to her” (Genesis 29:21). Later, because Rachel could not get pregnant, she said to her husband Jacob, “So she said, ‘Here is my maid Bilhah; go in to her, and she will bear a child on my knees, that I also may have children by her.’ Then she gave him Bilhah her maid as wife, and Jacob went in to her” (Genesis 30:3-4). In Genesis 16 we see the same thing with Sarai and Abram, “2. So Sarai said to Abram, "See now, the Lord has restrained me from bearing children. Please, go in to my maid; perhaps I shall obtain children by her.'' And Abram heeded the voice of Sarai. 3. Then Sarai, Abram's wife, took Hagar her maid, the Egyptian, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife.” Now we know that God never condoned this multiple marriage situation, nor did He condone what Rachel and Jacob did, nevertheless we see that sex and marriage were synonymous in their minds.
Why should we consider this as we approach the very sensitive issue of marriage and divorce? Because as Americans, we must force ourselves to understand that God is not an American. Our marriage ceremonies are entirely man-made. This brings up the question, “Are only those who have been married through the legal system married, or are those who come together in sexual union married in God’s eyes?” The answer must be that, at least somewhat, when people have sex, they are marrying each other.
In a sense, it would not be wrong to say that everyone who has had sex has been married…to some extent. This is why we never see God sanctioning sex outside of marriage for pleasure, or pre-marital sex of any type. Sex is a marital thing, and synonymous with marriage. The conclusion then must be that our idea of marriage may have never been God’s to start with.
We know that marriage was created by God to be good, however, because sin has come into the world, divorce is a reality we must face. The Church of Jesus Christ must approach this issue with an accurate understanding of salvation, God’s nature, and the Holy Scriptures. One such Scripture is found in Malachi 2:16, “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, ‘for it covers one's garment with violence,’ says the Lord of hosts. ‘Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.’” To put it very simply, God is saying that He hates divorce, and as we will see later, He especially hates it when it is unbiblical.
This issue is especially important for the Church of Jesus Christ to understand in America today because of the sheer number of people who have been divorced, divorced and remarried, or abandoned. One must approach the issue with a mature understanding of God’s heart and the whole of Scripture. We must be very careful to counsel people correctly, because if we counsel people incorrectly, we can cause people to feel unjustly condemned…those whom Christ has forgiven. The Church of Jesus Christ must daily face the fact that we can neither condemn the righteous nor can we justify the wicked.
The Bible tells us in Proverbs 17:15, “He who justifies the wicked, and he who condemns the just, both of them alike are an abomination to the Lord.” It is an abomination to God if we make the wicked comfortable in their sin, and it is just as much an abomination to God if we cause those who have been forgiven to feel condemned. It is sinful and wrong for you and I to approach Scripture flippantly and make doctrines from one passage without consulting God Himself through prayer and the rest of Scripture. We must never forget to “rightly divide” (2 Timothy 2:15) the Scriptures. If we do not, we will end up like these people that the Apostle Peter wrote of in 2 Peter 3:16, “...epistles, speaking in them of these things, in which are some things hard to understand, which those who are untaught and unstable twist to their own destruction, as they do also the rest of the Scriptures.”
In a nutshell, the Church of Jesus Christ must carefully consider each individual marital situation on a case by case basis, understanding all of the Scriptures, especially the New Testament passages concerning marriage and divorce. We must understand what Jesus said and then move to the rest of Scripture to fully comprehend the heart of God.
We also must be aware that Jesus did not explain what must be done in absolutely every scenario because the entire New Testament would have been about this alone. What God wants His Church to do is to approach this issue without legalistic condemnation, but with reverence to the Holy Scriptures. God has only given us a few words from His Son’s mouth about this, so it is up to leadership in the Church to prayerfully consider each situation before we pass judgment. We are to judge, but we are to judge with righteous judgment of love pertaining to the whole of Scripture. We cannot build doctrine out of one line that Jesus spoke concerning marriage if He spoke more than one line. We cannot only look at what Jesus said, we must also look at the rest of the Scriptures. And lastly, we cannot go entirely from our previous teachings because we may have been taught wrong, and from an American perspective.
A Biblical Outline
Statements Jesus made about marriage and divorce.
Mark 10:11. So He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12. "And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.''
What must be noted here is the fact that Jesus is referring to those who divorce their spouse to marry another.
Mark 10:11 He told them, ``When a man divorces his wife to marry someone else, he commits adultery against her.[3]
In other words, “If you think that you can divorce your spouse and then marry another without committing adultery, you are wrong.”
And Jesus may not have mentioned it in this passage, but we know that He sanctioned divorce in another passage for the cause of sexual immorality.
So we must conclude that either Jesus was confused, or was He simply not giving a complete theology on this issue here.
This is why that it is so important for us to look throughout Scripture to see everything Jesus/Scripture said on any particular issue instead of focusing on one passage alone (Romans 7; Matthew 5; 19; Mark 10; Luke 16; 1 Corinthians 7; Jeremiah 3; Malachi 2).
Matthew 5: 31. "Furthermore it has been said, `Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' 32. "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality (porneiva"-porneias) causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.”
(v. 32) (causes her to commit adultery) This does not mean that she automatically becomes an adulteress; it presupposes that, having no means of support, she is forced to live with another man. In so doing she becomes an adulteress.[4]
It defies any basic understanding of God’s heart to suppose that Jesus would condemn a woman who is left, unjustly, as an adulteress.
Jesus had one scenario in mind when He said this, but we must remember that there are a plethora of circumstances that affect every divorce etc.
For example, what is sexual immorality?
Is it viewing pornography, adultery, pedophilia, masturbation?
We know that all of these things are considered sexually immoral pertaining to Scripture.
So if we take Jesus literally, any person who looks at another with lust is an adulterer (Matthew 5:28), and therefore can be divorced by their spouse on Scriptural grounds.
What we must be careful not to do is hold a double standard.
For example, when Jesus says it is adultery to lust, few people would claim that this constitutes divorce.
Yet when Jesus speaks on other issues people tend to take Him too literally when they should not.
Jesus is usually giving principles, not laws.
So what did Jesus mean by “sexual immorality”?
Sexual immorality- 4202 πορνεία [porneia /por·ni·ah/] n f. From 4203 (see 4203 below); TDNT 6:579; TDNTA 918; GK 4518; 26 occurrences; AV translates as “fornication” 26 times. 1 illicit sexual intercourse. 1a adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc. 1b sexual intercourse with close relatives; Lev. 18. 1c sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman; Mk. 10:11,12. 2 metaph. the worship of idols. 2a of the defilement of idolatry, as incurred by eating the sacrifices offered to idols.[5]
4203 πορνεύω [porneuo /porn·yoo·o/] v. From 4204; TDNT 6:579; TDNTA 918; GK 4519; Eight occurrences; AV translates as “commit fornication” seven times, and “commit” once. 1 to prostitute one’s body to the lust of another. 2 to give one’s self to unlawful sexual intercourse. 2a to commit fornication. 3 metaph. to be given to idolatry, to worship idols. 3a to permit one’s self to be drawn away by another into idolatry.[6]
We see here the many things that “sexual immorality” could be.
So which of these is grounds for divorce?
Jesus was referring to adultery, sex outside of marriage, in particular (Jeremiah 3:8).
We can see the answer to this with an historical lesson from the Nelson’s New Illustrated Bible Commentary.
First, in Matthew 19, (we will refer to extensively in a moment), Jesus is tested by the Pharisees in this way:
1. Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.
2. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.
3. The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?''
From this test Jesus gives a very strict answer of basically, “No,” except for sexual immorality (v 9).
Here is what Nelson’s Commentary says about this pertaining to it’s historical context:
(Nelson’s New Illustrated Bible Commentary) This question could be dangerous. John the Baptist’s answer had resulted in his imprisonment and ultimately his death (Matt. 14:3–11). That the problem is posed with malicious intent is seen in the participle testing. It means to tempt. The basis for the question was Deut. 24:1. The rabbis had been arguing about what was meant by the expression “uncleanness” (literally, “the nakedness of a thing”)…
Deuteronomy 24:1 "When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness ( נְאָצָה, נֶאָצָה [nâ’atsah, ne’atsah /neh·aw·tsaw/]) in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house,"
Uncleanness- 5007 נְאָצָה, נֶאָצָה [nâ’atsah, ne’atsah /neh·aw·tsaw/] n f. From 5006 (see 5006 below); TWOT 1274a, 1274b; GK 5541 and 5542; Five occurrences; AV translates as “blasphemy” three times, and “provocation” twice. 1 contempt, contumely. 2 contempt, blasphemy.[7]
5006 נָאַץ [na’ats /naw·ats/] v. A primitive root; TWOT 1274; GK 5540; 25 occurrences; AV translates as “despise” eight times, “provoke” five times, “abhor” four times, “blaspheme” four times, “contemn” twice, “flourish” once, and “great occasion to blaspheme” once. 1 to spurn, contemn, despise, abhor. 1a (Qal) to spurn, contemn. 1b (Piel). 1b1 to spurn. 1b2 to cause to contemn. 1c (Hiphil) to spurn. 1d (Hithpolel) to be contemned.[8]
We see here that just as “sexual immorality” is a broad word, the word translated “uncleanness” in Deuteronomy is even broader.
Here is more discussion on the Pharisees testing Jesus in Matthew 19:1-3.
(Nelson’s New Illustrated Bible Commentary cont.)…which referred to some indecency in the opinions of most. One school of thought, the school of Shammai, was more strict and said the only grounds for divorce was immorality. The other viewpoint, the school of Hillel, was much more lenient and believed that anything that displeased the husband was sufficient to obtain a divorce. The question is framed as though the questioner may have been disposed to the view of Hillel, at least it appears they tilted the question in that direction.[9]
Jesus answered as follows (Matthew 19):
8. He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
9. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.''
So we see that Jesus took the very narrow (Shammai) view here (you cannot leave your spouse for just any reason), we must conclude that He would take the very narrow view pertaining to what sexual immorality is.
Most likely, Jesus meant that sexual immorality was sexual intercourse outside of marriage.
(Back to Matthew 5) So if you can divorce for sexual immorality, are you still considered an adulterer if you remarry?
First, we must ask ourselves, “Why would Jesus sanction divorce and then declare the victim to be an adulterer if they remarried?”
Remember that most are not eunuchs, and a person does not magically become a eunuch when they are deserted either (they still have sexual needs).
This is where that it is important to understand the God of the Bible, and His heart when you study, rather than simply reading the letters on the page.
Jesus likely meant that anyone who marries the divorced woman who has been divorced for unscriptural reasons (on her part) is committing adultery, especially if he thinks that “getting her to divorce” her spouse will make him a “non-adulterer.”
Remember that if Jesus sanctioned divorce for sexual immorality, then He simultaneously must exonerate the one who was sinned against (from that person’s loyalty within the marriage covenant).
If not, Jesus would be forcing people to sin:
How could Jesus tell someone that they can divorce, and then tell them that if they ever marry someone else that they are an adulterer and damned?
Remember that the divorcee still has sexual/relational needs.
The only way that it would be reasonable to say that Jesus meant this would be if He had also told all divorcees to be castrated or have their sexual organs removed, and go through a revolutionary transformation into a eunuch.
Jesus was not warped so we must consider other thoughts that were in His mind.
If we only had Mark 10:11-12 we would think that no one could ever divorce…but we have Matthew 5:31-32 to clarify this.
Likewise, we have 1 Corinthians 7 and Matthew 19 to clarify it even further.
If she is “caused” to commit adultery by her spouse, it would be unjust for God to hold that sin against her…if we only understand this passage literally.
Remember, everyone is not born a eunuch.
This is why Paul wrote this:
1 Corinthians 7:2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.
1 Corinthians 7:5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time (do not withhold sex from your spouse lest you both agree to it), that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again (have sex) so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7:7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.
Paul’s gift was that he did not need a spouse, or sex.
Great care needs to be exercised when interpreting the New Testament passages regarding divorce and marriage. It should be remembered that Jesus made His statements about divorce to people who were already married, so that they might take seriously the marriage relationship. These statements were not necessarily made to add an extra burden to the already divorced person.[10]
Now let’s go to Matthew 19 to better understand the mind of Christ:
Matthew 19
1. Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.
2. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.
3. The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?''
19:1–3 This question could be dangerous. John the Baptist’s answer had resulted in his imprisonment and ultimately his death (Matt. 14:3–11). That the problem is posed with malicious intent is seen in the participle testing. It means to tempt. The basis for the question was Deut. 24:1. The rabbis had been arguing about what was meant by the expression “uncleanness” (literally, “the nakedness of a thing”), which referred to some indecency in the opinions of most. One school of thought, the school of Shammai, was more strict and said the only grounds for divorce was immorality. The other viewpoint, the school of Hillel, was much more lenient and believed that anything that displeased the husband was sufficient to obtain a divorce. The question is framed as though the questioner may have been disposed to the view of Hillel, at least it appears they tilted the question in that direction.[11]
4. And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning `made them male and female,'
5. "and said, `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?
6. "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.''
19:4–6 Jesus avoids the Hillel-Shammai controversy and goes right to the Scripture. He gives three reasons for the permanence of marriage: (1) He made one male and one female. If God had intended more than one wife for Adam, He could and would have created more. The same would be true of husbands for Eve. (2) God ordained marriage as the strongest bond in all human relationships (v. 5). A man leaves his parents and is joined to his wife. The language is very strong here. Leave is the verb “abandon” and joined to means “to be glued to.” The most permanent relationship in the fabric of society is not between parent and child, which is broken to establish marriage (Gen 2:24), but is the marriage of a man and a woman. (3) the two become one flesh (Gen. 2:24): The basic element in marriage is a contract or covenant (Mal. 2:14); the result of that covenant is sexual intercourse. The physical union of a man and woman represents the union of their lives and their commitment to each other. That is why it is so wrong outside of marriage (1 Cor. 6:16). The physical union in marriage is a symbol of their unity in many areas. To break this physical union is to destroy a fundamental unity of life. Even if lost people are married and have conjugal relations, God has made them one, since marriage is a creation ordinance, not a redemptive one. By divorce, humans separate what God has joined together.[12]
7. They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?''
8. He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
19:8 The Lord Jesus’ reply is that Moses never commanded divorce; he only permitted it. And this permission was only because of the obstinate heart of humans. God’s ideal was not to divorce.[13]
9. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.''
19:9 Many problems come to the surface in this verse. For instance, what is meant by the word wife? Some have taken the divorce decree to be valid only during the engagement period, as in the case of Joseph and Mary (Matt. 1). Then “wife” means the woman to whom a man is engaged, a legitimate meaning. However, Deut. 24:1 is not talking about an engagement period, clearly the historical context to the discussion in Matt. 19. It specifically says the husband is to send her out of his house. They are already living together! Another question is the meaning of immorality. The word here (as is the term in Deut. 24:1) is a very general one and may refer to any kind of sexual immorality: premarital, extramarital, harlotry, homosexuality, and even bestiality. Of great importance is the problem of whether the exception clause only grants the right to divorce the wife or does it also give permission to remarry? Probably the latter is correct. In other words, immorality not only is grounds for divorce but also for remarriage. The last part of v. 9 probably means that a man who marries a woman who has been divorced because of her immorality commits adultery in marrying her. It should be noted that the bill of divorce protected the wife. A husband could not flippantly rid himself of his wife by a simple oral statement. He must have grounds and the decree was to be written. Even if there are sufficient grounds for divorce, it would be better for no divorce to take place. Lifetime marriages are God’s ideal (v. 8). It is no accident that the passage on divorce in ch. 19 immediately follows the discussion on forgiveness in ch. 18. [14]
10. His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.''
19:10 Here the disciples enter into the discussion. They evidently were surprised at the Lord’s stringent view. If the only basis for divorce is immorality, it would be better not to marry. But this was not the intent of Jesus because marriage was given to men and women for their good (Gen. 2:17). [15]
11. But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given:
19:11 Jesus indicates that remaining unmarried is only for a few people. [16]
12. "For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.''
19:12 Some people do not marry because they were born with no sex drive. Others do not marry because they are castrated. Still others forgo marriage for the sake of serving God. Some have been given the spiritual gift of celibacy in order to do this (1 Cor. 7:7).[17]
Other New Testament Scriptures to help us understand marriage and divorce.
1 Corinthians 7
8. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am;
First, Paul was unmarried, and he was saying it was good because one who was unmarried is more able to commit themselves to God’s work undistracted (1 Corinthians 7:32-33).
Secondly, it is absolutely essential to understand who widows are in God’s perspective, not the American perspective.
A widow is not only a woman who has had a husband who has physically died.
When we understand this, we can better understand the issue of divorce and remarriage.
1 Timothy 5:3 Honor widows who are really widows. 4. But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God. 5. Now she who is really a widow, and left alone, trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day.
Widow- 5503 χήρα [chera /khay·rah/] the idea of deficiency; 27 occurrences; KJV translates as “widow” 27 times. 1 a widow. 2 metaph. a city stripped of its inhabitants and riches is represented under the figure of a widow.[18]
In other words, widow means to be deficient of a husband or to be stripped from provision; bereft; left by her husband either through physical death or by being left alone (his death to being her husband).
1 Timothy 5:9 Do not let a widow under sixty years old be taken into the number, and not unless she has been the wife of one man,
This verse does not truly make sense without seeing other options as to how it can be translated from the original Greek language.
We can read the New International Version of the verse and see more clearly what is being said:
1 Timothy 5:9 No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband,[19]
Here we see that the requirement to this supposed “believer/widow” was that she was a true believer.
True believers are typically faithful to their spouses even if their spouses are unfaithful to them.
This is more or less a requirement that she be a true Christian before the Church takes the responsibility on of taking care of her as a widow.
Another thing we can learn here is that Paul is saying that “she is a widow because of losing her husband…by nothing she has done” (like adultery on her part/being the wife of more than one).
In other words, this woman is a widow, but the Church should not take care of her as such unless she is a widow that has been faithful to God by being faithful to her husband, even if her husband has died or left her.
Now as we read this next verse we must keep in mind that widows are women who are bereft/left by either a living or a dead spouse:
1 Timothy 5:14 Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
So we see that Paul declares that women who are widows/bereft should remarry.
And there are other reasons to marry in the New Testament.
1 Corinthians 7
8. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am;
9. but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Yes, widows burn with passion for sex, etc., when they are bereft.
What should the Church of Jesus Christ tell them to do?
Just what Paul says that they should do.
Also, we must understand that these are instructions to saved Christians.
An unbeliever does not have the same accountability as does a Christian.
Unbelievers do not adhere to, nor do they care about what Jesus said concerning marriage.
It is therefore extremely foolish for Christians to weigh down New Converts with all kinds of condemnation for their pre-conversion adulteries.
Even more, most Christians have been adulterers through some type of sexual immorality themselves.
And even more than this, many, many people had sex with other people before they were married, and before they became Christians.
This “becoming one” with others (sex) and then marrying someone else could rightfully be called marriage and divorce (according to God’s perspective of what constitutes marriage), at least in some sense.
The Church of Jesus Christ must remember that when a person gets saved they are literally a new person.
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me;
Ephesians 2:1 And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins,
Any person who has truly been saved has passed from death to life.
Dead people rot, dead people do not have life.
“Life” in the New Testament is being saved, having Christ live in and through you.
Salvation is an absolute transformation and an entirely new life.
We must remember that Jesus died for all sin, even divorce.
We must be very careful to remember this pertaining to a person who is not saved, or has just been saved.
We also must remember that most people in church today have never truly been saved.
The Apostle Paul says that if you can exercise self-control (sexually), then remain unmarried or “widowed” (1 Corinthians 7).
However, if you are unmarried, or widowed, and burn with desire for sex etc., then you should marry.
But what about those who were not saved when they became unmarried?
10. Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.
Paul is talking to married Christians.
Note that when Paul says, “not I but the Lord” he is saying, “I am not speaking upon my apostolic authority alone right now, but this is what Jesus said.”
He then says exactly what we read earlier, a woman is not permitted to leave her spouse, period, except for sexual immorality…and even then God would prefer that there be reconciliation if possible (read Hosea to see how God’s love for His people is illustrated through Hosea’s adulterous wife Gomer).
There is no passage commanding people to divorce, but many speaking of reconciliation.
11. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
Even if she does leave apart from God’s permitted standards (i.e. sexual immorality) she must remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband.
Remember that Paul is writing this to Christians.
12. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.
13. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.
Now Paul clarifies (as an Apostle writing Holy Spirit inspired Scripture) more details concerning this difficult issue because of the limited written instructions by Jesus.
He goes on to make a distinction between believers and non-believers.
He makes it clear that a Christian is not permitted to divorce one who is not a Christian if that non-Christian is willing to live with them.
14. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
The one believer brings the sanctification from God to both, even the children, in the marriage.
This means that if one person is right with God (holy, set apart, sanctified) then because the two are one, they both enjoy some of the sanctification/blessing that comes to a believer.
This results in the children being blessed/cleansed/sanctified as well.
15. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.
If that unbeliever decides to depart, then the believer is not under bondage.
This is a very, very important passage.
If an unbeliever seeks to divorce a believing spouse, the Christian is not under bondage or obligation to continue the marriage. There is no conflict here between Paul’s advice and that of our Lord in Matt. 5:32. The point is that the divine standard cannot be imposed upon the unregenerate. There is nothing the believer can do but submit to the divorce. The overriding principle is that God has called us to peace.[20]
16. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
The Greek grammar suggests that Paul asked the question expecting a negative answer. The promise given in 1 Pet. 3:1–6, however, reminds us that consistent obedience to God can make a skeptical spouse into a believing one.[21]
For, after all, there is no assurance to you wives that your husbands will be converted if they stay; and the same may be said to you husbands concerning your wives.[22]
25. Now concerning virgins: I have no commandment from the Lord; yet I give judgment as one whom the Lord in His mercy has made trustworthy.
In other words, “Jesus did not leave us with any particular instructions on virgins.”
But Paul is saying in context, “If you were married when you got saved, stay married if at all possible.”
He is also saying, in a sense, “Jesus did not leave us with great details concerning all of the marriage scenarios, but I, as an Apostle called by God, will attempt to define things better for you.”
26. I suppose therefore that this is good because of the present distress that it is good for a man to remain as he is:
The “present distress” that Paul is referring to here is the ongoing persecution at the time he wrote this letter.
Christians were commonly martyred, and this helps to understand the following instructions he gives us:
27. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife.
In other words, stay as you are because we do not know from one day to the next whether we will die for our faith.
39. A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. (Romans 7:1-3)
In a case where a marriage partner has died, the only restriction concerning remarriage is for the person to marry a fellow Christian. Even though remarriage is permitted, Paul still believes that it is wiser to remain unmarried (v. 8).[23]
40. But she is happier if she remains as she is, according to my judgment and I think I also have the Spirit of God.
Observations by Kenny Batson:
Divorce is permitted, but it is to be greatly avoided if possible, especially so for the Christian.
Even if there is sexual immorality, one should not be anxious for a divorce.
However, if there is sexual immorality, the Lord Himself said that He permitted divorce.
Believers are said to not be in bondage if they have a non-believing spouse that leaves them.
Also, to distinguish between believers and non-believers is not based upon what the offender might claim to be.
Believers and non-believers must be defined from Scripture.
Believers do not leave their spouses, period, unless there is sexual immorality.
Even if a person calls themselves a believer, but leaves a believer for unscriptural reasons, this person must be deemed a non-believer for living in an unbelieving way.
This however does not mean that God would want the believer who has been left (widowed/bereft) to be anxious to say, “I am not under bondage and will be getting a divorce.”
Every circumstance is different so Christians should be very slow to judge.
Jesus was trying to make it very clear to us that marriage is very, very serious business.
We must understand that Jesus was talking to His disciples in Mark chapter 10 in a private room.
In Matthew 5 when Jesus added that you can divorce for the cause of sexual immorality, He was preaching to multitudes of those who were non-believers and believers alike.
And in Matthew 19 He made it clear that all do not have the ability to remain unmarried (unless they are eunuchs etc.) so therefore He was sanctioning remarriage in certain cases.
Remember that every single divorce/marriage is unique and has unique circumstances.
The point being that He was trying to emphasize, in wisdom, the absolute importance of not taking marriage lightly.
Why? Because marriage is a picture of God’s relationship with His people.
And God does not divorce us every time we are sexually immoral to Him, but it can happen (people can lose their salvation; spiritual sexual immorality against the Bridegroom by the Bride).
The Church of Jesus Christ cannot expect non-believers who are not saved to have kept the instructions of Jesus.
Unsaved people do not obey God.
For the Church of Jesus Christ to expect a new convert to have been living under the teachings of Christ pre-conversion is ludicrous.
And when the Church expects a new convert to remain unmarried, when that new convert burns with passion and cannot be reconciled to their ex-spouse, is one and the same as expecting that new Christian to have been a Christian before they were a Christian.
If you are a Christian, be warned, be very careful about weighing baby Christians down with a lot of “Christian” rules when they first get saved.
God sanctifies people in His own time.
The Churches’ job is to accept the repentant sinner and love them.
When a person gets saved, they then must be kept accountable to these Scriptural standards.
To be saved is to be a totally new creation.
The Church of Jesus Christ cannot condemn those who did not obey God before they were saved because no one ever has.
Secondly, we must be careful about placing people under bondage after Jesus has set them free.
God hates divorce, but God hates all sin.
The Church of Jesus Christ must deal with absolutely every situation differently, and prayerfully.
The issue of marriage and divorce is mostly a private matter between any given couple because the rest of Christians do not know the whole story, nor will they ever.
For example, who has the authority to declare one a believer or a non-believer?
Was there sexual immorality that constitutes a divorce?
When were the believer/s saved?
Was the person widowed, or did their spouse leave them because of adultery?
The answer to all of these to us is, “I do not know.”
Therefore, we must conclude, “Do not judge lest you are the one that God has placed in that couple’s life to counsel them.”
There are literally millions and millions of circumstances that contribute to divorces, and it is not up to other Christians to determine whether it is permitted by God or not lest it is the Pastor/Elders that have the authority from God to do so.
The people responsible are the couple, and the spiritual authority God has placed in their life.
This does not mean that God does not wish that some who were divorced (whether it be post or pre-salvation) should not be reconciled to their ex-spouse…even if there was immorality.
God might very well, and has in the past, require the new convert to be reconciled to their ex-spouse regardless of their circumstances.
A new convert cannot flippantly approach this issue.
The new convert simply needs to be encouraged to understand that God wants to lead them on a personal basis, and He will.
Every single situation is different because every marital situation is different.
There has never been one divorce or separation that has been the same as the other.
This is why that Jesus did not spend extensive time explaining this issue because it is so broad.
This is also why that we see Jesus saying different things concerning it.
Adultery, what is it?
It is to commit sexual immorality.
The Greek word that Jesus used was “porneia.”
It is simply sexual conduct that is immoral or outside of the permitted bounds of marriage.
Sexual conduct outside of the marriage union.
Pedophilia, pornography, sex with others, and lusting after one other than your spouse could all fit into this category.
To put it very simply, most everyone has committed sexual immorality in some fashion.
However, Jesus was likely referring to sex outside of marriage.
To put it very simply, Christians are under strict command to not divorce…and if divorce is deemed imminent by a Christian, it must be for the cause of sexual immorality, or being bereft (people who are bereft most certainly suffer from sexual immorality simultaneously with a spouse that has left them).
We must be very, very careful in counseling someone to divorce, because God does not always want this.
God would most likely call for true forgiveness and restoration, because this is how He treats us.
Even though a believer is not under bondage when they are bereft/widowed, being anxious to remarry is unwise.
Every avenue of restoration must be exhausted.
And Christians are forbidden to marry any person other than a Christian.
If a true Christian is divorced because of adultery, they should not seek another spouse.
But as I interpret it, if this divorced person burns with passion, let them try to first be reconciled to their spouse, and if not, be remarried (to a biblically approved spouse).
If one does seek a spouse, that spouse MUST be a Christian.
Some Helpful & Biblical Insights on Divorce & Remarriage
By William MacDonald
Divorce was never God’s intention for man. His ideal is that one man and one woman remain married until their union is broken by death (Rom. 7:2, 3). Jesus made this clear to the Pharisees by appealing to the divine order at creation (Matt. 19:4–6).
God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16), that is, unscriptural divorce. He does not hate all divorce because He speaks of Himself as having divorced Israel (Jer. 3:8). This was because the nation forsook Him to worship idols. Israel was unfaithful.
In Matthew 5:31, 32 and 19:9, Jesus taught that divorce was forbidden except when one of the partners had been guilty of sexual immorality. In Mark 10:11, 12 and Luke 16:18, the exception clause is omitted.
The discrepancy is probably best explained as that neither Mark nor Luke record the entire saying. Therefore, even though divorce is not the ideal, it is permitted in the case where one’s partner has been unfaithful. Jesus allows divorce, but He does not command it.
Some scholars see 1 Corinthians 7:12–16 as teaching that divorce is acceptable when a believer is deserted by an unbeliever. Paul says that the remaining person is “not under bondage in such cases,” i.e., he or she is free to obtain a divorce (for desertion). The present writer’s opinion is that this case is the same exception granted in Matthew 5 and 19; namely, the unbeliever departs to live with someone else. Therefore, the believer can be granted a divorce on the scriptural grounds only if the other party commits adultery.
It is often contended that, although divorce is permitted in the NT, remarriage is never contemplated. However, this argument begs the question. Remarriage is not condemned for the innocent party in the NT, only for the offending person. Also, one of the main purposes of a scriptural divorce is to permit remarriage; otherwise, separation would serve the purpose just as well.
In any discussion of this topic, the question inevitably arises, “What about people who were divorced before they were saved?” There should be no question that unlawful divorces and remarriages contracted before conversion are sins which have been fully forgiven (see, for example, 1 Cor. 6:11 where Paul includes adultery in the list of sins in which the Corinthian believers had formerly participated). Pre-conversion sins do not bar believers from full participation in the local church.
A more difficult question concerns Christians who have divorced for unscriptural reasons and then remarry. Can they be received back into the fellowship of the local church? The answer depends on whether adultery is the initial act of physical union or a continued state. If these people are living in a state of adultery, then they would not only have to confess their sin but also forsake their present partner. But God’s solution for a problem is never one that creates worse problems. If, in order to untangle a marital snarl, men or women are driven into sin, or women and children are left homeless and penniless, the cure is worse than the disease.
In the writer’s opinion, Christians who have been divorced unscripturally and then remarried can truly repent of their sin and be restored to the Lord and to the fellowship of the church. In the matter of divorce, it seems that almost every case is different. Therefore, the elders of a local church must investigate each case individually and judge it according to the Word of God. If at times, disciplinary action has to be taken, all concerned should submit to the decision of the elders. [24]
REFERENCES
[1]Youngblood, Ronald F., F. F. Bruce, R. K. Harrison, and Thomas Nelson Publishers. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Dictionary. Rev. ed. of: Nelson's illustrated Bible dictionary.; Includes index. Nashville: T. Nelson, 1995.
[2] All Scripture quotations are from the New King James Version unless otherwise noted.
[3] The Living Bible Paraphrase version of the Holy Bible.
[4]MacDonald, William, and Arthur Farstad. Believer's Bible Commentary : Old and New Testaments, Mt 5:32. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1997, c1995.
n n: noun or neuter
f f: feminine
TDNT Theological Dictionary of the New Testament
TDNTA Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, Abridged in One Volume
GK Goodrick-Kohlenberger
AV Authorized Version
[5]Strong, James. The Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible : Showing Every Word of the Test of the Common English Version of the Canonical Books, and Every Occurence of Each Word in Regular Order. electronic ed., G4202. Ontario: Woodside Bible Fellowship., 1996.
v v: verb
TDNT Theological Dictionary of the New Testament
TDNTA Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, Abridged in One Volume
GK Goodrick-Kohlenberger
AV Authorized Version
[6]Strong, James. The Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible : Showing Every Word of the Test of the Common English Version of the Canonical Books, and Every Occurence of Each Word in Regular Order. electronic ed., G4203. Ontario: Woodside Bible Fellowship., 1996.
n n: noun
f f: feminine
TWOT Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament
GK Goodrick-Kohlenberger
AV Authorized Version
[7]Strong, James. The Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible : Showing Every Word of the Test of the Common English Version of the Canonical Books, and Every Occurence of Each Word in Regular Order. electronic ed., H5007. Ontario: Woodside Bible Fellowship., 1996.
v v: verb
TWOT Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament
GK Goodrick-Kohlenberger
AV Authorized Version
[8]Strong, James. The Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible : Showing Every Word of the Test of the Common English Version of the Canonical Books, and Every Occurence of Each Word in Regular Order. electronic ed., H5006. Ontario: Woodside Bible Fellowship., 1996.
[9]Radmacher, Earl D., Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Commentary, Mt 19:1-3. Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999.
[10]KJV Bible Commentary. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1997, c1994.
[11]Radmacher, Earl D., Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Commentary, Mt 19:1-3. Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999.
[12]Radmacher, Earl D., Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Commentary, Mt 19:4-6. Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999.
[13]Ibid.
[14]Ibid.
[15]Radmacher, Earl D., Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Commentary, Mt 19:9-12. Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999.
[16]Ibid.
[17]Ibid.
[18]Strong, James. The Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible : Showing Every Word of the Test of the Common English Version of the Canonical Books, and Every Occurrence of Each Word in Regular Order. electronic ed., G5503. Ontario: Woodside Bible Fellowship., 1996.
[19] New International Version.
[20]Radmacher, Earl D., Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Commentary, 1 Co 7:15. Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999.
[21]Radmacher, Earl D., Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Commentary, 1 Co 7:16. Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999.
[22] 1 Corinthians 7:16; The Living Bible Paraphrase.
[23]Radmacher, Earl D., Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Commentary, 1 Co 7:39-40. Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999.
NT New Testament
[24]MacDonald, William, and Arthur Farstad. Believer's Bible Commentary : Old and New Testaments, Mt 5:33. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1997, c1995.